God's Answer for Our Case with "S"

Today, I was able to touch base with the therapist and here are the words she shared with me when I asked her about "S".

"She is off the radar screen. We need to let her go.  There is no way to get a hold of her."

Although my suspicions were correct, it is still hard to finally have them confirmed.  Although this is really tough on me, please be praying for Skeeter as he was really hoping this one would work out.  Adoption and its losses affect everyone in the family.  Just the other night, Adia asked Jesus to have "S" give her baby to us.  Now we get to tell the kids that it isn't going to happen.  The kids are just as much in this as we are!

On the flip side, I feel for "S" and feel that based off of what we have learned from the therapist that we think she is being pressured by the aunt to change her mind.  I feel for her and pray that the baby will be fine and that God will still protect him or her even though we will not be able to love that child as our own.

Another loss....another hurt to heal...but another way for Jesus to show Himself and the strength He has to offer us even when we don't understand why. 

Emotional Week

On Sunday, it was looking like this week could be filled with exciting activities.  By Monday, I knew the excitement was not going to be the kind I had hoped for.  This was the week that my nephew would be born and we might even be able to meet "S".   However, on Monday, God had other plans for our week as some of us were hit with the stomach bug. :( 

On Wednesday, our nephew was born and we were so disappointed that we were not able to go to the hospital to meet him.  This was especially difficult as this is the only one that we have not been able to be at the hospital to share in on the excitement.  Lord willing, we hope to go meet him sometime this weekend after they are discharged from the hospital.

On Wednesday, we had hoped to meet "S", but due to the bug we had text the therapist to cancel from our end.  I don't even know if she had been able to get a hold of "S" because as of Tuesday, she hadn't yet heard from her.  So the therapist said we could try for Thursday.  Thursday came and went and not a word.  I tried calling the therapist today, leaving a message, so will see if we hear back.    The paternal papers have not been signed, and I'm not sure if they have been served to be signed (the attorney never called me back). "S" is still out of treatment and may be getting ready to move in with her aunt (who does not support her adoption plan). We have been calling the therapist once a week to get updates. Now, in light of all of the recent events, I think for my sake, I will step back and not be calling so often.  It is so hard emotionally to keep hoping that some more good steps have been taken when in fact it doesn't seem that any steps are being taken at all.  She isn't due until August, but it would be helpful to "see" that she is interested at least in moving forward with the adoption plan.  I am doing my best to not take things personally as I know she is a difficult person to be in contact with.   She is also one that doesn't keep her doctor's appointments so it would be "easy" to see that she might not be the most reliable in keeping other appointments. 

I am once again preparing myself to let another baby go, which has been so difficult!  The kids have been so faithful in praying for "S" and that she would stop taking her "yucky stuff".  This week I have often been wondering what Jesus is doing in this whole situation.  Why is it going the way that it is?  Is this baby for us or isn't it?  Somedays, the thoughts of giving up trying have even come along.  I have been trying to focus on Jesus and the fact that He does love me and knows what is best.  I know that He is working even when it seems like He isn't.  Its just sometimes hard to get your heart to feel that way through the tears.

We will continue to remain in the "waiting" phase until God clearly closes the door on mommy "S".  However, we won't stop trying to get our profiles shown whenever an opportunity arises.  We have been given a bit of a nibble on another possibility, but I don't know hardly any of the details and I don't know if in the long run it will pan out.  When I learn more, if it is a viable lead, I will share more.  In the meantime, please continue praying. 

Unanswered Questions

I was hoping to find out more on the status of if the birth father had signed the papers yet as well as where "S" is at in terms of her healing.  I was very briefly able to touch base with the therapist yesterday, but unfortunately, she was quite busy and wasn't able to talk.  I attempted calling the attorney to see what she would say about the signing, but unfortunately I haven't heard from her either.  So now due to the weekend, we will see what next week will bring as far as answers go.

The therapist did mention that "S" is not back in treatment and she made it sound like something medical was going on, but there wasn't time to find out what.  I tried calling her back today to see if I could get some more answers but wasn't able to touch base with her.  There was a brief mention about trying to set up a meeting with "S", but I don't know when that will be yet.  And even if a time is set up, we have been told that we're not guaranteed she will show up (which is true for any case).

Today was one of those down days, where it seems like there are so many unanswered questions.  Is this case going anywhere or are we just spinning our wheels?  As soon as "S" makes a step forward, it seems like there are 2-3 that are taken backwards.  I know that God is in control, and I am praying that I/we will wait on His timing and His clear direction.

On a more positive note, I had another wonderful visit with Adia's birth mother this week.  She and their unborn son could really use your prayers.  He isn't due until the first part of June and they are hoping she can make it until closer to the end of March to deliver.  There is a chance he won't survive and if he does survive there is a 50% chance there could be significant problems.  There is also a chance that the mother could die as well.  She has quite a few health problems and because of that has been on a lot of medications.  However, once she became pregnant, she had to stop the meds.  Anyway, talking to her, you wouldn't know that she is facing these challenges. Her joy in the Lord is so evident! She thanked me and us again for all that we had done for them.  She even mentioned that she wondered if they would've found Christ, if we wouldn't have met!  I am so excited that we may have been able to be used by the Lord in this way!

It is through her/their testimony and encouragement like this that helps keep me motivated to keep pursuing our adoption journey - - little did I know just how bumpy this journey would be!  I am so thankful that we do not journey alone, and that I can hold on to the hand of my Father as I try to follow His leading!