**Disclaimer: This post has been read and approved by all parties involved. This is a raw, heart breaking post, so please read this with care and spend time praying for our family.
It is with a heavy heart, that this post is written. Like most families, we don't enjoy sharing our deep hurts with others, mostly out of fear of being judged or rejected. The time has come when we feel that it is now time for us to share what most of you have no idea has been happening within our family.
Anne has been struggling with the effects of deep emotional hurt which started when she was about 7 or 8 years of age. Because she didn't know how to handle this hurt, she stuffed her feelings inside. We know that when we stuff our emotions, eventually they will come back out in one form or another. Unfortunately, for Anne, it exploded! For the past 2-3 years, we have been dealing with the effects of this explosion. Because of the deep pain, she turned to the addiction of cutting to relieve her pain. We have tried various routes of counseling and accountability systems, but unfortunately, they did not work. After much prayer and seeking counsel ourselves, it was recommended to us that she may not be able to heal while in our home, and that we should seek a girl's home for her to go to to help her better heal from her emotional wounds, which also includes the goal of having victory over self harm. For those of you who are not familiar with self harm, the act of doing this is emotionally very much like taking a drug. Once you start, it is incredibly difficult to stop! You may stop, but then if you relapse, the urge comes back stronger each time. There is also a part of the brain that gets a little bit bigger each time a person cuts. As that part of the brain grows, it tells that person that its ok to cut and that its ok to go to that for a "fix".
As a result of not seeing improvement, and watching her continue to hurt, we decided it was time to seek further help so that she could heal. We gave Anne some choices and we asked her which method would bring her the better results in helping her to heal. She chose to go to a girl's home. Over Christmas break, we were busy filling out an application to a girl's home, which was followed by an interview Wednesday morning. Following the interview, they let us know that Anne had been accepted into their program. They then gave us a stack of papers that we needed to fill out and have others fill out. Today, I found out that she will be moving in on Sunday afternoon. She will go to school there and live with host parents as well as other girls who are there trying to heal from hurts in their own lives. Because she will be moving this weekend, today was her last day at her school. Her school has been so very supportive of us and has been doing everything they can to help us protect Anne. They are letting us come tomorrow so that she can clean out her locker and return her books so that there won't be many people around to see what is happening.
We would covet your prayers as this will be a huge adjustment for all of us! This mommy's heart is breaking at the thought of sending my baby away! I know that this could be a great healing tool in Anne's life, and that this is a right decision, but it doesn't take the pain away. For the first 30 days, we can only have contact with her through letters. Then we will get to see her and have a meeting with her host parents to see how she is progressing. If you would like to send her mail (she will not have access to her cell phone, email or facebook during her stay there), please let me know and I can get you her address. I also need to know if you'd like to write Anne so that I can add you to the approved list of contacts. If you write her and are not on the approved list, she will not receive your mail! I am sure she would love hearing from you and to know that you are thinking of her and praying! I want you to be aware that if you do choose to write her that her incoming and outgoing mail will be read first by the host parents as a measure of safety (they do this for all the girls).
Why are we opening up and sharing this with you? We desperately need your prayers as we all go through this healing process as a family. We need you to be praying for Anne and that her heart will be healed and that she will have victory over self harm. We hope that maybe this will somehow be an encouragement to someone else out there as we know that Christians are not excluded from temptations and addictions (if we are honest, most of us have some form of an addiction, even if it is something as "simple" as facebook). It is also to remind you that people need to be careful how they use the words that come out of their mouths. So many people who put on smiles, really are hurting and need to be encouraged not torn down. Also, parents, keep an eye on your kids! Get to know them and know where they are struggling, and get them help if necessary! It is quite a lesson in humility, to ask for help, and admit that there is a problem.
Thank you for praying for us as we start another journey as a family. If you see us in person, depending on how we are doing emotionally that day, we may not talk much. Its not that we aren't thankful that you care, its just that we might really be struggling. I think we all kind of feel that this must be some kind of dream and that we will eventually wake up and that everything will be ok. But, we know that God is allowing this to happen for a reason and that He will give us the strength to make it through! Our goal for 2016 is to see healing for our family!
In closing, this quote was in my devotional today and thought it was very fitting for what we are facing right now:
"In every situation and circumstance of your life, God is always doing a
thousand different things that you cannot see and you do not know."
