A New Journey Begins

We received a call from Angel Adoption this afternoon and it has been decided that our profile will once again go active and be shown to prospective birth mothers.  If we have not been matched, and Alexis happens to reappear, we will be notified.  Although its sad that we are closing this chapter and saying good bye to our baby, we have several things to be thankful for.  We should get a decent amount of our money back that we paid to the GA attorney.  We had not started paying the living expenses to the birth mother, so we're not out any money in that respect as that was to start shortly.  Humanly speaking, I would like to know what happened.  It would be so easy to point fingers and blame, but ultimately, despite all the obstacles of phones being shut off and a slow attorney, etc, God could have made all of the necessary details work out.  He chose not to and we need to trust that He knows what He is doing and that He loves us and has something better for us.  I have struggled at times with being mad at God for allowing us to be matched if in the end it would just fall through, but I know He allowed us to go through this growing and stretching time to help us lean on Him and grow stronger in our relationship with Him.  In our ladies Bible study we are studying the book of James and how we need to patiently endure trials and temptations and how we need to count everything joy - - the Lord's timing and teaching is always right on time, even if it is painful! :)

Now mentally, I have to transition from thinking about baby names and getting everything ready for our baby (the car seat had just arrived right before we were notified that Alexis was missing) to waiting again for the call to say that we are matched with another baby.  As someone else has shared with me, who lost their adoptive baby, that it is very much like losing your own child.  So true!  Once we are matched, in my heart, that baby and birth mother, become a part of me.  So please continue to pray, as we continue to say good-bye.  Looking back, I guess I sensed that something might not be right with the match, but there was nothing specific that I could point to - - just figured it was fear and the fact that we had so long to wait until the baby would be born.  So maybe, God was preparing me ahead of time and I didn't realize it until later.  Although, there is hurt, there is also peace, for which we can thank the Lord! 

Now we are in process of trying to tie up lose ends with both attorneys so that we can start over with a clean slate so to speak.  Thank you so much for joining us in this journey.  God is faithful even when we don't understand why!